Visionary Insight Press has announced it’s next book, The Empowerment Manual, and it features 36 incredible authors! VIP has been working with many spiritual teachers and 36 have been chosen to be featured in this manual that will be released before the end of 2015! I’m so honored and humbled to be chosen and working with this caliber of talented, loving, heart-centered professionals. My chapter is entitled Manager of the Year and discusses how I was awarded the honor of Manager of the Year professionally while going through one of the most difficult and challenging personal times in my life.
Whispers of the Heart
I am honored to be a co-author in WHISPERS OF THE HEART. It shares motivational stories from today’s most inspirational teachers, healers and spiritual leaders of how they listened to their wise inner being and the impact it made in their lives. My chapter is entitled Angel Box Diaries and is about my journey on the River of Life in corporate America.
WHISPERS OF THE HEART is available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble and participating brick and mortar stores OR you may buy it directly from me should you want a signed copy.
Dreams are never as far away as they seem! — 
Finding Jobs
After some creative financing and going to a creepy place to make payment. We finally got our furniture and belongings delivered. Our soft leather couch was wet and torn. The mattress and box spring also wet. There several of our pieces of furniture damaged and some items broken. Our things had been loaded and unloaded several times and ALL of it sifted through. I felt extremely violated. I did not go to make payment with my husband but he took a couple of large men with him and our pit bull for security. We made a claim against the moving company so that we could replace our damaged items. Two weeks after our things were delivered we were notified that the company had dissolved and filed bankruptcy. So… needless to say we were not reimbursed for any of the damages! Its one of those experiences that is chalked up as lessons learned!
While we waited for our items to be delivered we were both able to get jobs. We had made the move totally blind. Neither one of us had a job and we had not seen the apartment that we were renting. I guess its what you do when you’re in your 20s. In hindsight, it was not the smartest thing but we were following my husband’s dream of going to culinary school. He had been accepted and financing was sorted out BEFORE we moved so we did plan a little. Anyway, I was able to get a job at PF Changs that had recently opened. The General Manager wanted to hire me as a manager but there was not a position open so I started as a server and worked in the office to assist him with invoicing during the day. There was so much for me to learn but I ended up teaching him a great deal as well. He was doing his P&L on a sheet of paper! 100% old school. I asked him if he would like it to be automatic. All he would need to do is plug in the monthly numbers. Of course he was skeptical but interested. I designed a simple spreadsheet for him and automated his P&L to calculate percentages. I used macros to connect the invoicing spreadsheets so that any monies spent would to the P&L. There were no double entries. He was super impressed by this and got me on the quick track to go through management training. I was a manager within six months.
The training included spending six weeks in the kitchen. I worked with the chef and learned ordering, prep, each station, expo, dish, etc. I knew how to prepare EVERY menu item and was given a verbal final at the end of the training. The chef was very intimidating and a graduate of Culinary Institute of America. I was a hot mess preparing for the final. He asked me two questions about the menu! I had to describe from start to finish an item on from the appetizers and one from the entrees. I was over prepared but he knew that and felt confident that I knew the information. I was flattered to say the least. One thing that he did press and I’ve never forgotten was advise that he gave me. He admitted that it doesn’t matter what food he and his kitchen team puts on the table. It can be the best food anyone has ever eaten, but the only thing that brings a customer back is the service! 10% of people will return to a restaurant for the food alone. 90% will return for the way they were treated. If they have a bad experience they tell 20 people, if they have a good one, they MIGHT tell a couple of friends. He put his ego down and it was a very valuable lesson early in my restaurant career.
Move to Southeast Florida
After we returned to Memphis then our married life began. I had been accepted into Emory University in Atlanta for the neuropsychology PhD program. I was super excited! However with my memory issues I had done well enough on my GRE to get accepted but not good enough to get scholarships. I would entering official starving college student phase if I attended Grad School.
My husband had moved up to Sous Chef where he was working and wanted to get his culinary degree so that he could learn more technical varieties of cooking and the business side. After meeting Emeril Lagasse he felt it was a sign that he should enroll into Johnson and Wales Culinary Institute. He didn’t want to go up north again so we decided on the North Miami Campus. I agreed to suspend my dreams of graduate school.
We made arrangements to move to North Miami. I wanted to use a national moving company but he insisted on going with a less expensive company. He did all the research and I let him. I focused on finding a place to live. We secured an apartment sight unseen. The movers arrived and quickly loaded up all of our belongings. We only loaded a few items and dog in our Jeep. They informed us that they would meet us in three days to deliver the items. We rushed down to North Miami so that we could get our keys, sign our lease, set up utilities, etc.
We stayed in the apartment the first night with the blankets and pillows that we had packed. Our dog had a more comfortable bed that we did! The first night we ordered a pizza, picked up some adult beverages, and had a carpet picnic. The next morning he went to campus to begin his enrollment and I stayed to clean the apartment and prepare it for the arrival of our furniture. We didn’t hear from the moving company and there was no answer with the phone number we had been given. Three days went by. It was a week after they had picked up our furniture, clothing, dishes, shoes, jewelry, and household items. I was extremely upset and nervous. They said that the truck had broken down but were going to be in town the next day. They came and would not unload our items until we paid them the balance of the move. We gave them the credit card that we had set aside for the move. They would not accept it. They would only accept cash! We had paid the deposit with credit and there was an indication they would need cash! We didn’t have that much cash. They left with our life still loaded on the truck.
We were freaking out. We ordered Chinese food and then realized that we didn’t have plates or utensils. We didn’t even have glasses. We were drinking out of plastic. I had passed our neighbor in the hall a few times when walking the dog. I went over and knocked on his door. ‘Hi, I live next door. I have a strange request. Could l possibly borrow two plates and some utensils?” He said yes and offered us to come over and use his table. He was from Indiana and was attending the culinary school as well. It was the start of our first friendship in our new adventure!
Honeymoon
We left the day after we got married to return to Memphis. We had a celebration after the wedding at a family friends house. There were more people at the reception than the wedding. The six friends that came up from Memphis stayed there with us. There were four extra bedrooms so it was perfect! The party was an amazingly blended celebration of family and friends (new and old). I saw faces that I had not seen in years!!!
We both needed to quickly return to Memphis to work for a few days before leaving to New Orleans. We had been there a few times for concerts but usually only for one night. It was a six hour drive from Memphis. We went down with a couple of our friends that had attended the wedding. They had a condo right off of Bourbon Street. It was wonderful! The weekend was FULL of surprises! We got there on December 31st. We were unaware of any plans, little did we know that our friends DID make plans. Apparently the condo building that we were staying in was also were Emril Lagasse resided! He had JUST opened his third restaurant in New Orleans and WE had a reservation on New Years Eve at 7:30!!! We arrived and were treated like royalty! Emril himself “kicked it up a notch” and came out of the kitchen to deliver our dessert and congratulate us on our vows! My husband was sorting out where to attend culinary school. Emril quickly recommended Johnson & Wales where he attended. We moved to the lounge to have after dinner drinks and sat at a table next to the grand piano. The pianist was wonderful! We went a few other places after dinner.
The next day we went shopping and walking around French Quarter. We laughed so much and truly experienced the city with two people who knew where to go. We went back to the condo to rest a while and prepare for our evening adventures. The condo had a roof top pool where we enjoyed the hot tub and wine as we overlooked the city and the gulf. The couple that we were with were two men but that night Brian became Brandi! He is BEAUTIFUL in drag! We went to ALL of the hot gay bars and had the time of our lives! At one point my husband was ordering a drink and a man was dancing on the bar with a glow in the dark cock ring all up in his face! His reaction was hysterical! This was one of those nights that I am grateful we did not have camera phones and Facebook!!! Our fun was not documented in pictures for the world to see! This city was alive and free! Live music, dancing, adult beverages and things that you ONLY see and do in New Orleans! We stayed out until the wee hours in the morning!
We were only there for three nights and returned to Memphis on the forth day. It was just what we needed! I wish it could’ve been longer but its what we had available and inexpensive. We were planning a move to Florida. I had decided to not attend Graduate school so that he could go to culinary school with the intention of going back when he finished. Intentions are wonderful but life has other plans sometimes!!!
Wedding Bells
We had decided to get married. There was not a proposal or any formality about any of it. We lived together, had bank accounts together, etc and our anniversary fell on a Saturday. Those were the reasons we decided to get married. It felt like the next move to make. I was finishing up my last semester as an undergrad and was taking a couple of graduate courses. The work load was challenging but I loved every class my last semester. I had developed friendships but they were apart from my fiancé. He wasn’t one for books or study.
We both found other opportunities for work. He was working at a small privately owned restaurant that was fabulous and I went to be a purchasing analyst at a steel manufacturing company. It was a change for sure but its is where I discovered a strange obsession to create spreadsheets and macros. It was a refreshing change from dealing with the public. I continued to manage the psychotherapy research lab and was taking evening classes. My life was falling into place just like my influences had imagined. The strange thing is that when I was younger. I never had a desire to get married or have children. It was not something that was every really a dream of mine. It was rather an expectation. I was not one to live in the guidelines of the norm but for some reason I decided that the norm of marriage would work for me.
There were some bumps in the road during our engagement. Red flags that I refused to see. I wanted to make my family proud. We were getting married in our home town where our families were so I was planning a long distance wedding, going to school, working full time and managing a research lab. The wedding was simple. We decided not to have anyone stand up with us because we didn’t want to single anyone out or make them feel obligated to travel to Illinois. It was just easier to plan if there were less people involved. It was one of the least expensive weddings by far!!! I was given a hand stitched beautiful silk beaded gown from one of my co-workers. She had it custom made for her and then decided not to get married to that person. I had to get it altered to fit my smaller frame and that is it! I chose not to wear a veil and wore only jewelry. My mother was the wedding planner if you will. She reserved the chapel at their church and made all of the arrangements. Matthew was my music coordinator. He lived in Chicago so that was a challenge but I trusted everything that he wanted to do. Rehearsals were difficult for him to arrange. My oldest brother was the photographer and videographer. My sister was my florist. She made all of the flower arrangements. It was a complete family affair!
I finished up my finals and graduation. I did not attend graduation since there would be no one there to watch me receive the diploma. It meant so much to me to graduate but the pomp and circumstance is really not necessary. I honestly don’t even know where my diploma is now. We were married the day after Christmas so the timing was difficult for our friends that wanted to attend from Memphis. There were six that came up and one read a poem in the wedding that he wrote for us! The pastor surprised us during the wedding in that he asked everyone to stand up with us as we exchanged our vows. I was crying before I even started because I felt as if the room was hugging me.
After Surgery
I got home after the FOREVER drive from Memphis. Matthew had arrived from Chicago, my other brother from Indianapolis, and my sister from Charleston. Technically we arrived from four different directions 🙂 We were all able to spend time together before his surgery which was very special. Then he went back to the operating room and we all waited. The thoughts of what they were doing on the operating table were disturbing. I don’t recall being scared. After all, he IS superman!!! He can survive ANYTHING! Faith makes things possible, not easy. After about four hours, the surgeon came into the waiting area and the procedure was a success!!! We would be able to see him soon! We were all relieved that our prayers had been answered! After the surgery, we were able to visit him one at a time. He was just coming out of anesthesia and they did not want too much stimulus around him. Mom was of course the first to go in and visit. There was a limit to how long we could stay. When it was my turn to visit I remember him apologizing to me for not being able to pay for my college. He felt he should be able to provide that to me! I simply thanked him and told him he did far better than paying for my education. He taught me how to provide for myself. He taught me work ethic and that things are not free in more ways than one. If he had given me everything, I would not have those values! Here he was… just coming out of MAJOR surgery and he is concerned with regret and wished he could have done more!!! I explained to him that he needed to focus on getting healthy and healing, not concerned with ME and what he did or didn’t do!!! But that is just how my dad is; ALWAYS thinking of others before himself. I am convinced that he has heart issues because he loves too much. I know it is not possible to do that but he has a ginormous giving soul.
I had contacted my professors and received the assignments for the week. All of them were very understanding and allowed me to either email the work or agreed to wait until I returned. They all advised me to concentrate on my dad. Its was refreshing. I didn’t have pressure to return to Memphis for school, but I did need to work! I called the restaurant and they had changed their tone from when I requested the time off initially. I only worked on weekends so I had not missed any shifts yet other than Sunday before the surgery.
I couldn’t believe it when my dad was released just three days after surgery to go home!!! Matthew and I had stayed with my mom as my two older siblings had families of their own to tend. We also stayed a couple of days after dad got home to make sure he was settled in and then we both had to return to our respective lives. He in grad-school and I in undergrad.
Of course it didn’t stop there. I called dad almost daily at first to check on him and see how he was doing and to check on mom. She went through this with him every step of the way. His recovery went well. He went to METS rehab program, eating well, taking his meds, sleeping, and following all the doctors orders. Mom kept his meds and appointments organized and concentrated on the physical training. They are perfect compliments to one another.
I had been living with my boyfriend for two and a half years and I knew this bothered my father as a man and woman should not live together in then name of the Lord unless they are husband and wife. Things were going well with my boyfriend and I and we had decided to get married since our anniversary fell on a Saturday. There was no proposal, just a discussion in the Jeep after a day of drinking. I couldn’t wait to tell my Dad!!! I called him to check on his therapy. I asked him how he was feeling. “Do you think you will be able to walk down an isle in December?” I could hear his tears of happiness!!!
Super Man!
I was asleep after a long week and a late shift the night before. It was Saturday morning and I could sleep in!!! I went out after my shift Friday night and got home after 2am and had a few more drinks before I went to bed. My phone rang around 9am. I looked at the caller and it was my sister!?!?!? My sister never calls me! So I answered the phone. She asked me if I was awake… “Well I am now! What’s up?”. “Its dad! He went to the doctor yesterday because he was having difficulty breathing and pain in his chest. He is having open heart surgery first thing on Monday morning! He is 75% clogged!” My heart stopped, I sat up in bed in shock! How could this happen? He is my Super Man! He was my everything! I was always Daddy’s girl. He has never put a carcinogen in his body! He doesn’t drink adult beverages, smoke, or over indulge in candy and sweets. He grew up on a farm eating mostly organic, exercises every day, very active mentally and physically. He does everything right! He is a doctor’s dream patient. How could he have ANYTHING wrong in his body? I told my sister that I was scheduled to work a double on Saturday and lunch on Sunday but I would get rid of my shift on Sunday and leave when I got off work Saturday night. It was a six hour drive home for me. I was devastated!
I went to work. I tried my best to put the impending surgery out of my mind. I would go out on the floor and play the part of a skilled server, going through the motions. I had a few regulars come in that night and they noticed something was off. I quietly told them. I went back to the kitchen and started crying. I couldn’t pretend that it wasn’t bothering me anymore. I wiped my tears and went back on the floor. After all; all the world is a stage and we are all merely players. I approached my manager when I came in to see if I could get out of my lunch shift on Sunday and was instructed to have someone pick it up. I asked all of my co-workers and none of them were willing to do it. They had plans to party that night and didn’t want to come in early. Initially I did not tell them about my father. I didn’t want to talk about it for fear that I wouldn’t get through my shift. My boyfriend was working in the kitchen and he is the only one who knew. Finally, the shift was ending and the servers were all in the private dining room rolling silverware to close our shift. I finished my roll-ups and lost it! I loudly told ALL of them to FUCK OFF! “I tried to be nice about it, but all of you are selfish alcoholic drug abusers!!! You are more interested in polluting your bodies than helping another person!” It was then that I told them about my father. I looked at the manager, told her that she can have my job. “Do what ever it is that you see fit, but my father is more important than this job!!! I am leaving tonight to drive and be there for him when he wakes up so I can spend some time with him before he goes into surgery. I will call you when I return to see if I am still employed. And as for the rest of you ~ Go to hell!!!” I was very angry and hurt. They all tried to offer to pick up the shift after my rant. I told them it was too late and the damage was done. I checked out with the manager and left to pack my bags for the longest trip home that I had EVER taken.
Classes~Work~Relationships
I started classes as soon as I was eligible. I kept in touch with my counselor at Vocational Rehabilitation so that my tuition and books were paid. I took a full load of classes every semester and took summer classes as well. I wanted to get caught up as I felt that I was behind. I took a year and a half off with the move. I was focused on school when I was on campus but was easily distracted when I wasn’t. The good thing is that my boyfriend and I shared a vehicle so he would drop me off in the morning for class and pick me up when he was finished with work. He mostly worked nights so I was on campus for a long time every day. I was chosen to manage a Psychotherapy Research Lab so I had a key to the lab and it was a great place to study, write papers, and sleep! There was a cot in the back room that I took advantage of frequently. I mostly worked on weekends at first. I had a job waiting tables in the fine dining restaurant in the new Grand Casino, Tunica MS. I made amazingly great money for a college student. I worked Friday, Saturday, and Sunday and brought home $600 a week plus I was getting paid $250 per week to manage the lab.
My boyfriend and I eventually bought a second car as the schedules were getting complicated. We moved into a house closer to the University and he got a job close to the house. We got a dog and had many friends and acquaintances. He says that I inspired him to change professions and he decided he wanted to be a chef and moved up in kitchens very quickly. He was an artist so he easily got bored and felt he needed new challenges and would change jobs often. He had some amazing opportunities, just did not stick with anything very long. The drive was getting to be cumbersome to the casino (1 hour each way) so I decided to start waiting tables in Memphis, closer to school and home. I worked at the same restaurant my boyfriend was working in the kitchen. That worked out better than expected.
We were doing fabulous! Both making decent money. I was doing well in school and respected within my colleagues. They did not know of my head injury and I did not want them to have knowledge of it. I wanted to do well in school because I earned it! Memory and studies were still difficult. I had to get a tutor for Spanish (paid for with vocational rehab). I was able to get through the other classes with my downtime in the research lab and study groups. The four walls with no distractions was very beneficial!
It was more difficult when I got home. My boyfriend wanted my attention, he/we would have friends over, we got a roommate to share the expenses (went through four), and we would go out to eat, drink, and be merry. There were many places that we frequented. Every Wednesday we would go to a bar that showed South Park! Its was when the series first started so we had a group that we watched with each week. All the bartenders at several places knew our names and what we drank. I started smoking more, taking more drugs to keep me ‘normal’, drinking every weekend but not much on weekdays so I could function at school. It was the start of some very dangerous self-medication.
Returning to Memphis – Twisted!
Going back to Charleston was not a good choice. I’ve made many bad choices and that was not good timing to return. It was too soon for my best friend and I to re-kindle our friendship that was injured along with my head injury and there was too much hurt, anger, and betrayal still in my heart from the kids I went to high school with and the University that I believed in and disappointed me. My family was not as excited about the products that I was selling as I was and did not support that decision either. All around I felt more alone than EVER!!!
The day after Christmas I decided to go in town to see who was out and about and home for the holidays. I ran into someone who I had not seen for a while and we ended up playing pool, catching up, laughing and have an amazing evening. He and I ran in the same circle of friends but never were really friends ourselves so he didn’t have much to compare me to as to how I was BEFORE the accident. It was refreshing. There were no expectations from him.
We ended up spending a great deal of time together. I told him going in that I would be moving back to Memphis to go to school. His response was “When are we leaving?”. I had made arrangements to stay with a friend in Memphis but it didn’t include two people so I was not sure what we were going to do. We stayed in a crappy motel for a couple of nights until I reconnected with a few friends. They were staying in a very large old mansion that was run down in Midtown. They said that we could stay in one of the rooms until we found a place. It was creepy and haunted but lots of fun! Too much really, not much sleep there. Both of us were able to find employment pretty quickly and rented out a warehouse studio apartment downtown where both of our jobs were located. I was waiting tables and he worked at a machine shop. We were able to buy furniture and items to fill the space.
It was a fun space with concrete floors. We came up with an idea to paint a Twister board on the floor. It took us weeks to make it perfect. We purchased a Twister game and made a stencil out of the board, taped it down and used spray paint to make the circles. We put several coats on and then outlined the circles with black and painted twister on either side, just like the board. However, we changed the rules a little bit so we changed the name to TwisteD 🙂 After the colors were down we got clear shellac to protect the color from peeling and scratches. There were quite a few fun evenings with that Twisted board! The rules changed according to our audience and players.
Emotional Harmony and Wellness 